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草之眸like the eyes, like thee June 29 六月蜜友两三事阴天，无雨。其实外面艳阳高照，心里只是阴天。找不到从前，是工作的感觉；受不了复杂，是一直以来的弱点。痛处，还是发现自己那么不经言语；喜处，原来自己还是当初那般天真和幼稚。 这个月收到好几个震惊的消息，全部来自闺中蜜友，有令人开心鼓舞的，也有历险浪漫的，还有置产未成醉酒砸桌的。我爱她们。 我们都在漂。 还见着才三岁就口齿异常凌厉的小丫，又是一个休克，憧憬幸福的休克。 May 05 咸蛋情人果最近超爱咸蛋的，从lucky买了三盒黑乎乎的生蛋，象小时候婆婆盐的那种，有点臭烘烘的碱味儿，很让人怀旧。 酸溜溜的绿芒果，弄脆生生的丝，美其名曰情人果。那天一刀买了六个，真是酸得牙倒。 天有点阴，快要下雨，在办公室的角落里浑身发冷，朦胧中仿佛回到童年的哪个冬天，很冷，下着雪，我们姊妹几个都偎在床上看八仙过海，老妈煮了超好吃又热气腾腾的黑白菜烫饭，美味啊...... April 11 闲来无事起床很早，闲来无事，恶作剧打个电话叫人起床，没想到人发烧，关爱的言语大概也是无法减轻病痛，真是扰人扰己。
真的很闲，外头很热，没有车，无法大汗淋漓地步行，这样的日子，只好把窗帘拉得严严实实把自己关在房间里发呆。很久没开过电视了，可是实在无事可干了，从sofi那里考来的电影在积了快一年之后终于全部剧终了。
那天和几个曾经在F国奋斗的同事一起吃饭，我们从客户那里回来去得晚了，晚到的好处是人到就可以开吃了。没想到的是喝完汤之后上的第一道菜居然是鳄鱼肉，好像是铁板，夹了一块来尝，咬到一半就开始恶心反胃，当时的感觉就是阿弥陀佛让我吃斋吧。这之后，好像忘了要吃斋这个事情，每天到办公室旁边的小店吃午饭，也偶尔到食堂混混，小吃店肉都做得比较花和洋葱西红柿一起比较橙色，让你看不出来是肉，食堂主要是鱼，昨晚又到KFC，鸡肉炸得很卡通，还吃得蛮开心的。可是居然让我想起来那天的鳄鱼肉了，一刹那，觉得自己真的应该要吃斋，赎去自己的残忍和罪恶。可能说得有点严重了。但是那种反胃感觉真的是挥之不去。
想起来曾经决定要在广州定居，主要是阿猫同学在那里是文化和时尚达人，自己内心一直向往的文化生活似乎变得那么接近，去二沙岛听听音乐会、在老街里撞见很特别的书店，小区里老人们聚堆打牌或者谈天、好吃又便宜的肠粉和粥，躲在民居深处的喜窝、那个轻唱着my funny valentine的女声，闹市中的庙和古朴的大屋。可是后来每次回去都是吃饭和逛街，虽然也开心地享受丰富有趣的广市早茶和聊天的乐趣，虽然也很爱吃地铁边的银记肠粉和各式菜色，终归是缺了点什么，描述不上来，却让我在最后一刻放弃了原先的打算。人心里的那点点追求总有点可望而不可及。 April 04 coffee againi go to a small filipino bakery near new office a lot this week. a $1.5 lunch, vegies, meat & rice, plus my new love, ufc ice coffee, cost only $.5. i feel myself in the mood of coffee again, sweet, strong & happy. there’s a starbucks here also in phn, while obviously fake after the 1st try. a huge starbucks logo, with small letters saying that the cafe doesn’t have a liscence. the most special receipt i met also: the place the cafe, nothing relating except the green & white logo. mocha is not good there at all. i play coffee music from arab and asia using my cool amplier which has an excellent bass, the 1st thing when i reach the hotel. loud, relaxing, jazzy, just love it… March 30 拒绝远行离开家乡以后去到一个新的地方，如果你心中没有爱，是很难欣喜地去探索把当地特色风俗和景观娱乐翻个遍的。这几年的生活大概就是这样吧。懒人，或者即便本来不懒，就这样在每一天中变成了宅人。大概很多人，身边，或者同龄，或者同类，之所以宅，你知道为什么吗？是因为缺乏激情。要么是全部献给事业了，或者惨一点卖给工作了，或者干脆自己迷茫得丢了。 懒得时候就窝在屋子里上网，要是可怜得连网络也抛弃你就只好看dvd或者电子书了。真的书对于长期差旅途中的人来说已经是极度的奢侈品了。 我选择继续漂泊。Y？这大半年的辗转造就了一颗期待安定的心，年少时（或许仅仅是一年前）探险的心态和享乐的打算似乎从去到另一国度之后瞬间烟灭了。一个只有工作／心中焦灼的人，可想而知的悲观，可想而知的对自己和对生活失望。于是对生活作了新的规划，准备考试，憧憬新的生活，想象新的环境和朋友......当一切就快拉开幕布时，似乎唾手可得，又开始犹豫，又开始想象另外一样的日子，直到调头走向相反的方向。 许是害怕，许是不舍。决定就是这样，就是这样的性格，就是这样想要跨越的心。我选择继续漂泊。 窝在金边的日子，拒绝远行，因为泛懒。 March 29 mango misuanit's not easy to make a decision, especially not easy to give up something u planned long time and half way through. March 17 bring my kitchin bring my life heremy kitchin is a simple one, with a newly bought rice cooker and a knife used less than 5 times in the past 6 months. i never regret to bring it here since it’s going to bring a lot of fun and the desire for life. it iiiis already. 谢谢你的冷酷，让我恢复对生活的热情。 March 12 this is just the way who i am人习惯一个地方以后似乎很难改变。假如是点到多点而非点到点的搬迁，生活变得无法忍受，因为无法在这多个点间找到自己和自己的圈。 温和的气质是难得的，生活的历练使然。再次遇到她时你会有不同的发现。 February 28 Don’t be Silly galGetting into a society is not quite an easy thing, especially to low EQs. I’ve received some funny and comforting messages when my cellphone got stolen, it was really stolen not lost. One of the messages I feel most funny: sister, cellphone stolen is a just a piece of cake, but don’t let your heart stolen, coming from Jerry, the bro-in-law. i replied him, is that any good waiting for me if not allowing my heat stolen? my cute Jerry bro. another: come to vietnam, it’s a socialist country, very safe here, no thief. i was hoping to discuss a little bit about my feeling on current job and career plan with my boss. unfortunately not a good hint. trust and friendship is difficult to build in this case. i was just wondering why i always want a change. not easily satisfied? coincidently i thought of a gal, she enjoyed her work, a kind of crazy, very rare of her country fellows. from her i notice 100% positive attitude, 120% confidence, 80% sense of power (a little over), 60% modesty, complete sociablity, enjoy solitude, out-going, tolerance, almost every necessary features. i admire her to some degree, maybe the most successful career lady i’ve met in reality. i got my phone back on the 3rd day. the theif answered my call and then there’s a police and nego dual game directed by my lovely office mates in phn, mr S and miss S. a strange kind of feeling i now have for this country. |
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